I google this shit so I can laugh

Bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

 Go fuck yourself, Mayo Clinic. That shit is wishful thinking:

Structure,
Limits,
Don't feel guilty
Lean on others (who are these others??)


Bahahahahahahahaha: now tears

Is it Harrassment???

According to google the definition of Harrassment is:
Aggressive pressure or intimidation


My children do this to me. They aggressively try to pressure me to do things for them I do not want to do: examples;

Child "Can I have chocolate milk?"

Me "No honey, you just had ice cream, that is too much sugar for your body."

Child "Can I have chocolate milk?"

Me "No honey, you can not."

Child "Can I have chocolate milk?"

Me "No."

Child "Can I have chocolate milk?"

Me "No."

Child opening refrigerator getting milk to make it anyway.

Me holding milk until child takes hand off "I said no."

Child attempts to hit me. Then throws self on ground screaming. Continues screaming and kicking for at least 15 minutes (probably closer to a minute or two but damn it feels like a looooooooong time).

Then other child says while first child is still throwing tan trum over no chocolate milk:

2nd Child "Where is the remote?"

Me "I do not know, you are in there and I am in the kitchen. You can find it better then me."

2nd Child begins whimpering. Meanwhile other child is banging feet on the fridge due to no chocolate milk.

Me cleaning kitchen.

Third child "Mom where is my long sleeve shirt."

Me "It is in the washer." (I would tell child to put it in the dryer but she is only two).

2nd child: "Mom, I need the remote!"

Me: "Look under couch, in cushions etc"

2nd child "I did it is nowhere!" Starting to cry

1st child banging feet on floor over and over chanting:  "Chocolate milk.   Chocolate milk.     Chocolate Milk."

3rd child "I need long sleeves, long sleeves." Getting upset now.

2nd child throws self on floor "I need the remote!!"



This is intimidation in numbers. 3 little ones loud and crying is quite aggressive, if you ask me. It feels like Harrassment, so it must be. There needs to be a hotline for this type of scenario: "Yes, my 2 year old is threatening physical harm to me if I do not get her her long sleeve shirt out of the wash and magically dry it in seconds."

Hotline person "Are you safe?"

Me " I'm hiding under the bed with a flashlight."

Hotline Person "Where is 2 year old?"

Me whispering "She's systematically opening each door looking for me and walking around each room. It's a matter of minutes befor I am discovered. I'm frightened, very frightened."

Hotline Person "Do you have any hard liquor or chocolate?"

Me "Yes, downstairs in the kitchen."

Hotline Person "Follow these directioms very carefully 1. Slide out from under bed and tip toe down to kitchen 2. Get liquor and chocolate 3. Swig as much liquor as you can 4. Eat all the chocolate

Me "It won't work, nothing works. They just fi.........................." Whispers "She's openimg the door , I think I've been discovered." Now loud "Noooooooo, I can not magically dry your shirt!!! Noooo, do not hurt me........" Then silence.....

Hotline person "Hello, are you there? Hello? Hello? Ohhhhh god no, get the police over there........"

Who likes Warm Surprises???

We are all sitting in the living room, hanging out, minding our own business (just me and the 3 kiddos). My crazy little wild haired 2 year old comes over to me with something cupped in her hand. She has an alarmed look on her face and slowly stretches her arm out to give it to me.

I am not even thinking, at this point. It was too sudden. Too out of the blue.

 She gingerly drops it in my hand. I feel something small, soft and warm.

My first thought is Ohmigod its a fucking mouse!!!

Then realization hits.

I realize it is a very small turd shaped similar to a mouse sitting in my hand.

I seriously lied to you..

I decided to leave this post, as it's all part of the motion of life.  Note: the relationship did not work out. We weren't right for each other so I ended it. Think it was kind of mutual...



I was so completely done with relationships, busy planning my life solo. Have to say it was damn hard to do; with seeing men just walking around all over the place. Like, really, don't they know that I need to not see them, especially when they are extra attractive?

  I wrote about the perfect guy for me and decided he was a figment of my imagination. Well apparently I already knew him. Between that post and now, I am in a relationship with the EXACT guy I thought I made up and I was already friends with him. What the fuck, right? So yeah I lied about not dating.

And it was really hard to NOT date for as long as I did. One day when I had my internet hooked up, the dude that shows up to fix it, was ridiculously attractive. I about closed the damn door in his dreamy blue-eyed face. Instead I just stayed in the other room and tried to not look at him. What is wrong with guys like that? Showing up to hook up my internet with a face and body like that? Come on now..

Obviously my singledom didn't last as long as I had planned. I am now in a committed relationship and actually....wait for it.....happy about it.  All those people who said just do you and forget about a relationship, yeah I guess they might know a little something. That is when we found each other, he was doing the same thing; saying to himself fuck relationships. Now I just need to not fuck it up.
Much easier said then done.

One thing that needs to happen is my kids need to stop being psycho when they are around him. They love him and want him around but all their crazy little energy comes off in ways like hitting each other, whining and asking for things in high-pitched nails-on-chalkboard type of voices and anything else kids might do when they are getting used to a change. How does anyone deal with this? I do not know how even I do, at all. How is my brain even working anymore ?

I keep thinking that me and my crazy little monsters are going to scare him off for good. So far he is sticking around, we even talk about the future and make plans: he does this too, not just me. Damn I wonder how did this happen, I was supposed to be single forever and now am with a dude I really like. Its a good thing cause maybe I'll stop being mad at all the men just, you know, living their lives and walking around for me to see... Now I don't even notice them, imagine that?

Say NO and DO NOT APOLOGIZE, To everyone ALL THE TIME

For some reason many people (definitely not me, I have never done this...ever) think they should be saying yes to people every time someone asks them to do something; like can you pet my cat 7 days next week while I'm out of town, so she's not lonely, or cousin invites you to bridal shower so you can give up your weekend night to spend at least a 100 bucks on her even though you see each other once a year, if that, or your friends kids birthday party: to buy kid a present and take time to buy the damn present, wrap it, waste at least 5 more bucks on the damn card and hope you have some saved wrapping paper at home so as not to waste more money on that, then you still have to go to the party and this friend (questionable friendships) rarely makes efforts for you or how about when your parents guilt trip you into going shopping with them and you despise it?When most of those things basically give you severe nightmares thinking about it. You would rather eat a slug then go or maybe a plate of ants. So I say to hell with it! Do you and your own plans it is much better for your mental health.

 I think the same about apologizing. Why apologize to anyone when you are not goddammed sorry. When you are out in public and someone bumps into you and you apologize?? Oh hell no, just stare at them until they get scared and run off or they can fucking apologize?!? Apologizing takes away some of your power and makes you look like a scared frightened little rabbit. And nope, apologies are for the birds or maybe rabbits. Not tough empowered tiger people...which is what we all want to be, least I pretend I am.

Last week until Dream Goal is happening

Next week is my last full week of work then I will be working 3 days at cleaning houses/my old business and the other two will be working on my art business from home. I am nervous and excited about the change. Nervous that the art business will not pan out and no longer working those two days=less money. I could loose too much money but I have some back up money saved for bills and it will get me through the winter if needed: yet I would rather save it. I have a budget worked out so I should be fine.

Putting that aside I am very excited and do know that I have the past experience and self-confidence to turn my art into a really productive business, yet I know it will take time to grow, as anything does. There are so many things I could do to make money: although, I think it is best to keep it narrowed down and focused to one area then maybe extend to other areas or businesses.

 I feel like a quitter with the cleaning business but it is definitely serving/has served it's purpose. Making money, paying bills, savings and a great stepping stone to doing what I really love: creating and writting. The decision to do this was really hard. Fear was the ultimate factor in keeping me from moving forward with my dreams. Then after thinking on it for months, possibly years to get me to now, I decided that I will never know until I try. Thinking about the worse that could happen if I fail lead me to my decision to move forward. The worse that could happen is I am not making enough money then I will have to pick the cleaning business back up, find a different job or money making means. Honestly, if that is the worst that could happen what the hell am I waiting for?? So here I am planning out the next month to follow my dream...

Single Momming and Following a Dream

Being a single mom and following a dream is like this :

Yep. Just. Like. That.

Monday Funday

Today; a monday, went halfway decent. Monday's usually do. A full week with littles is like this;

 Monday morning: everyone gets up, gets ready, minimal fighting and arguing. Kids go to school, I go to work, pick them up, go home, dinner, baths (actually who am i kidding; baths that is a weekend thing, kids don't get dirty, right?) I meant to say: dirty kids nothing wipes (ok washcloths cause who wants to waste money on wipes, when washcloths can just be washed) can't handle. Then go to bed, minimal crying.

Tuesday: Noone gets up too early but they get up and get dressed, eat, go to school, go to work, come home, kids start stuffing faces because they can not wait for you to cook something, they fight and argue. Go to bed

Wednesday: Are NOT waking up, definitely late, no shower for me .Go to school, go to work. Pick kids up, they fight the whole way home. Food is made and left out. Toys are strewn across house. Im too tired to care. Pass out at night.

Thursday: 5-10 minute shower in while 2 year old beats on door. Older kids not getting up. Finally they do and are crying, whining and fighting. Feed them Campbell's chicken noodle soup for breakfast and bananas. I drink coffee and wish I could sit down and eat something. Shoes are lost, homework is gone, jackets have disappeared, house is a crazy disaster. Go to school, go to work. Come home see breakfast still on table. Half ass clean up while watching kids fight each other and spread more toys throughout house. Want to throw toys in trashcan: dream about it. But don't, cause then how would they entertain themselves so you can get a second of peace: oh wait they forgot how to do that anyway. Pass out.

Friday: Hair is in a huge knot, no makeup, black coffee cause too lazy to pour something in it. Kids fighting?? Dont even know anymore...maybe? Go to someplace, come home, sit on couch and don't move. Kids eat anything they want.

Weekend: rest, rejuvenate

Repeat

Fuck Perfection

I used to try and strive for everything to be perfect and I just had a realization that you know what? Fuck it, fuck that, fuck perfection. No one and nothing is perfect, as we all know. And I am especially not perfect. My art is not, my writting is not, my body is not, everything I am, do and around me is not perfect. So with that realization being had, I am dropping all these stupid projected ideas. I will present my art, blog and everything I do as not goddamned perfect because it is a reflection of everything around me which is un-perfect. If the form in my art sucks I no longer care, if my words are not spelled properly fuck it. This is me and this is how I present to anyone who gives a shit to take a look. Maybe I will sell a few un-perfect things, maybe I won't. Maybe people will like this blog and maybe they will hate it but damn it's worth it because at least I decided to put it all out there and see what happens.

Here is my sweet little 2 and a half year olds piece of art which is perfect:

Blind Decision Making

Today I made a decision for better or worse, who knows at this point.  I savagely pushed the first domino so we will see what happens next. I am cutting back on work, going to spend more time at home and CREATE shit.  Write, create, imagine and see where the fuck it takes me. For my entire life, I have always been a dreamer. Now I am going to go ahead and ride the waves of my dreams (maybe doggy paddle through them??) and see where I end up. This short life of mine, for now on I am going to own it and stop letting my fears and worries make decisions for me. All those past decisions have done is make me feel stressed out and constantly rub my eye hoping it will make the eye twitch go away. Right now, I don't even have a good plan, so I am just going to dive in the water and hope it isn't too deep or dark. Typically when I make a change I plan the whole thing out. This time I can't for some reason, there is a block in the plan. There is a rough outline in my mind of how it is going to work, but I think just doing it will help guide the path. 

Business Woman, Balance, The Masculine

Working so hard to support my family, my personality has changed by it. I have noticed my attitudes and thought processes have changed to be more serious and logical, more cut and dry. This traditionally has been thought of as a masculine role. Yet I do not feel masculine in any way, still me, still a mother, still an artist, just more practiced in logic, negotiations and business. Right now I feel powerful, alive and ready for the next obstacle. I feel like a strong woman taking life and being in control of it. Then I ponder how amazing it is that as a woman I can do this. I am thankful for the feminists before me, thankful for the feminists today and thankful for all of the hard work I have put into making my life better each day. I hope one day the things I do now, the past and in the future inspire my daughters, my son and other women to tackle every obstacle that comes their way with hope and determination.

Beer, Music and Paint

I am looking at this blank screen and thinking about how much I want to write, work on my web-site, paint and take a damn uninterrupted shower while drinking beer and listening to music. I think the shower, beer and music wins....

Stolen Moments

The hot water runs down my back

It wraps around, almost a hug

I stretch my arms up to the wall and lean forward

Each day is not so hard

Yet my body is telling me it is

I have not cried in months

I need too but can't

The warm shower helps me feel better for a few moments

Then i step out

As soon as the faucet is off

The familiar sound of my daughter's cries and footsteps are quickly at the door

Hardly a moment to myself

They stand outside the door chatting, whining, turning the knob

The love in my heart is so full

Yet my body is so worn

Stolen moments for myself, is a must

For there is high demand for when I return

Eye-twitches and Screechy Voices

 It has been hard to write lately. I've had this permanent under eye twitch for about two weeks now. It won't go away and it's driving me even crazier then I already am.

Super hard to find time to do things I like to do: blog, art, fix my hair, makeup, go shopping, take walks, make cool things, go on weekend trips, hang out with grown-ups, go see a freakin movie. Damn all of that-forget it.

Then I feel so bad every time they go to their Dad's, yet I am secretly waiting for it. By the time two weeks go by I am ready to spend some time alone. It is very hard being a mother (and a single one too) and also an introvert. My thoughts are constantly interrupted. I hear the word mom and it is like nails on a chalkboard. I will be standing right next to them and instead of just telling me what they want to say they screech out "MOM" in this high-pitched screechy voice, and I cringe when i hear it. I know they are about to complain or need something.